Awake

"It is 12:46 at night...er, in the wee hours of the morning. What are you doing up?!" That is what someone might be asking me, if someone were awake to ask. :) I can't sleep. I am nervous. There is a lot that needs to be done, and I am not doing it. Starting with Katie. I lose more sleep over that girl! :) Really, though. I am worried about her and her situation. Did you hear? You didn't? She has to move back to ShenZhen and go back to work in the factory. Yes, leave her daughter. Again. For 365 days. 365 times YueYue will wake up in the morning and not hug her mommy. 365 times Katie will wake up and not snuggle a sleepy little daughter. 365 nights YueYue will go to sleep without her mommy's voice singing her a lullaby. 365 more nights Katie will wake in the night an not be able to check on her precious child. And after those 365 days apart? What will happen then? If they are lucky, Katie will have saved enough money to make the long journey from southern China to central China to spend perhaps 30 days with her only child. 30 days. That's all. And then gone again. Seperated for 365 more days. So, why am I worrying about it? Well, because I could do something about it. I used to work in JingMen, where YueYue is living and where Katie used to live and where she dreams of living again, with her child. My boss in JingMen loved me and has always made it clear that if I ever want a job at his school, it is there for me. I could move to JingMen and live in a house that would be paid for, with electricity that would be paid for, with internet that would be paid for, with fresh water delevered to my door and paid for, AND be making an income. All for doing what I love (teaching) in a place that I love. What does that have to do with Katie? With a free house and electricity and a salary to live off of, I could have Katie and YueYue come live with us. They could be together! Katie could nanny for me while I am at work, and could help around the house, and she and YueYue could live with me in exchange for her hard work caring for Mr. T. Taig and YueYue are about the same age, so could go to school together and Taiger would LOVE having a little "sister" to play with. JingMen is where I plan to open the Sixteen Small Stones' Foster Home, so if I were there I could get started on that and move forward with my dreams. Logically, everything says to GO! To save Katie and YueYue, and to fulfill my mission of serving the orphans in JingMen. But... Just but. And "what if". And "what about". Am I just being myself and jumping in with both feet without knowing if the timing is right? Shouldn't I finish school, since I have invested so much time and money to that, and I am so close to graduating? Shouldn't I do as I wanted and wait until Taiger is 8-10 years old to take him back to China and risk his health? I never, ever, EVER in a million YEARS would have imagined that I, Breclyn-Go-For-It, would be considering WAITING! (Do I even know how to do that?!) When a major opportunity (excuse??) to go to China comes along, I always take it! At the risk of my life, I go! So, what is holding me back now? Katie NEEDS me NOW! She will never get back these years she has missed with YueYue. Can I carry that burden the rest of my life? Knowing I could have gone, and didn't? This is one of the many things keeping me up tonight. OH! One of the homes we are sending Valentines to is in need of pillowcases! They can be new OR LIGHTLY USED! So, go dig through your linnen closet and see if you have that Ninja Turtle pillowcase your now 25 year old son had when he was 4 and donate it to some kids who need it! :) You can send them to Sixteen Small Stones at the address listed on this page and we will ship them off to the home in India. :) Thanks, everyone! Don't forget, this Friday and Saturday we will be at Broulims in Shelley so you can come write a Valentine (or make a donation.) to send to a child in Africa, China, India or Belize!! FUN! If you live in Utah, Bryttan is hosting her Make A Valentine Party! It will be a TON of fun and you can make a Valentine there to send to one of the kids! Don't miss that if you are in Utah!!!!!