Why do I wonder? Why do I forget that GOD, who created all, who knows each bird in the sky, who knows each hair on the head of each person, is in control?
I have been so worried about what to do. I think of those precious children in JingMen, waiting for ME to come and save them. I think each day I am away, they are suffering. I wonder when I am supposed to go and lift those children from their pain and misery and lonliness. I think it is all on me. Today, I came across the blog of two women who have adopted children from JingMen. Together, they started a foster care programme in JingMen!!!!! Just what I felt I should do! Oh, GOD IS GOOD! About the time I felt called to do this, in summer of 2007, these women started their programme. GOD IS GOOD! As I was worrying and praying about what to do, God already had HIS plan in action. He was already working through these women to help the children of JingMen. God is good. God is SO GOOD.
This event seemed to be a meaningful encounter, so I wanted to write about it...but it is one of those things that will mean more later. So, I will write about it now, and someday understand its importance.
The other night I went to the grocery store to pick up some items I wanted to give Taiger from Cupid, but was waiting for the after V. Day sales!! It was late, I had been at work all day, and I was tired...but was REALLY excited about the toy lion I had seen and wanted to get him once it was not so expensive.
As Jeremy and I got to the sales items, I noticed an older man standing there, his arms loaded with goodies, including a lion like the one I wanted. Luckily, there were more in the basket...:D Anyway, I don't remember how it happened, but we started talking. He was a grandfather, buying things for his grandkids. He gave Jeremy and I advice about marriage and love, and then he asked if I had found Christ. I said, "Yes!" He asked, "Have you?" I said I have. His eyes looked into my eyes. I smelled cigarettes on him, and that reminded me of my gradfather, who I love, and is gone now. I saw the pack in his pocket and smiled to myself. The man asked, "Are you Christian?" I said, "Very Christian!" He asked me, "Are you Mormon?" I said I was. He shook my hand and told me I am the only Mormon he has ever met who has said they are Christian. That concerned me, because OF COURSE WE ARE!!!!!!!!!!!! The name of Jesus Christ is right in the name of our religion..."The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter Day Saints". As we visited, I felt The Spirit so strongly. In the end, I gave him the address for this blog. He asked about the name, and I told him the story of The Brother of Jared. Suddenly, i realized how good it felt to teach someone the stories from The Book Of Mormon!!!!! I think that was a glimpse of how it must feel to be a Missionary! This man told me he was glad to have met me, and shook my hand. I was glad to have met him, too. It was a wonderful Spiritual experience. That doesn't happen often at the grocery store...although it could probably happen often if we let it.
As I spoke to this man, I was reminded of being in China. I didn't know why, but later as I thought about it, I realized why. In China, anyone will come up to me and talk to me. That doesn't happen too often to me in America. Here, I am just another person. There, people approach me, as this man did. I like talking to new people! It feels so great to talk to new people like that. Also, when I was talking with people in China, I felt The Spirit. That is something special...to feel The Spirit in every day situations. To feel The Spirit by reaching out to another human being, another of God's children. That is an amazing experience. I need that. I long for that. Taiger, too, needs that. To feel that Spirit daily in every day situations and by reaching out to others. It is a miracle, and we need those tiny miracles!!
Tiny miracles can be found in the most common places. In the face of a beggar. In the smile of a child. In the conversation with a stranger. In a sincere prayer. Feeling that Spirit IS a miracle!!
Sorry this post is random. Just thoughts jotted down as they came.
I found an amazing documentary on youtube today! It is in about the children of rural China whose parents must leave for larger cities to find work, and leave the children behind. So interesting. Sad, but interesting. I wish I could go help those children left behind. Maybe open a home where they can come after school, eat a warm meal, study and then go home (or if they have no place to go, they can stay, perhaps??). Or maybe a BETTER idea would be to find sponsors for the children's schooling so they parents can stay with the children rather than leaving to earn money to send them to school (that seemed to be the main reason for the parents to seek work away from home).
To watch this documentary, go to youtube.com. In the search bar type, 'Rural China "Children Left Behind" Documentary'. There will be part one, two and three. Watch all three (it is not TOO long).
Post a comment and let me know what you think. If you have thoughts on it, please post a comment! I would love to hear your thoughts!!
My life is not my own. My life is God's. He gave me my life. And when my body lays to rest and my Spirit is free of this mortal state, my death will be God's, if my life has been Gods. All things are given me from God. I don't know why I ever have thought my life was mine.
When I was younger and wished on stars, on birthday candles, on pennies thrown into fountains, my wish was always the same, that my life would be as God wants it. My wish, my desire, my supplication was pure and innocent. But I see now, it was wrong. I was wishing MY life be as God wanted it. What an oxymoron! In wanting to live as God wants me to, I know now I must turn my life over to Him. In my innocence, I didn't realize I was contradicting what I was striving for in what I was asking for. I wanted to live my life the way God wanted me to. What I want now is completely different. I realize I don't want to walk with God at my side. I don't want to live my life as God wants it to be. Instead, I want my life to BE GOD'S LIFE. I want God to take me, take my life, and to make me His. It is a difficult way of thinking. In so many ways I want to believe my life is MINE. That it is something I have. But I laugh at myself for even thinking this! Because even as I "want" it, I realize this earthly life is a time to cast off our wants and want only GOD's will. I pray and yearn and long for my heart to be changed and to have the courage and understanding and faith and humility and knowledge and insight to turn my life over to God. His will, in this life I live, be done.
I have been so worried about what I am going to do that I have forgotten that it is not about what _I_ am going to do, but about what GOD is going to do. I keep stressing about if I am supposed to go to Ghana. I remember the day several months ago when I felt so prompted to be in Ghana in August. My entire life has been bent on that. GHANA. Where we will live. What we will eat. How it will be...But it is not about me or Taiger. It is only about GOD. Why should I worry? Why should I fear? Why should I wonder what I will do in August? HE who knows the plan, HE who knows my heart, HE who gave me life and gives me each day, HE KNOWS. He already knows what I will be doing in August. HE knows where I will be. Maybe I will be right here. Why do I worry that HE has changed HIS mind? HE is unchanging, the same forever in the past and forever for all of Eternity. He had a purpose for puting into my mind the thought of going to Ghana in August. He has a reason. I don't need to worry, to fear, or to doubt. I need only to put my faith and trust in God and His eternal plan, which extends past August and through Eternity. His plan for me does not only include ME. It includes Taiger, too, of course. But it also includes ALL of the people who I will seve, in China or in Africa...or right here in the U.S. My plan is not HIS plan. His plan is the plan for me. And HIS plan is for EVERYONE. I need to stop thinking and start praying. I must come before him with a broken heart, as the dust of the earth, and say only, "I am here, God. I am Your servant. Direct me where You will have be go." And then STOP, and do NOTHING. Just WAIT until He is ready. For nothing should be done in my time, but in God's time only.
I am still praying about what I am supposed to do in regards to going to Africa this summer. For months my entire life, all of my decisions in work and school, was based on going to Ghana this summer. Taiger was so excited, too. Now, it is just...gone...all of the planning and dreaming...over. Nothing. It has been difficult to adjust my thoughts off of going to Ghana.
At the same time, I am actually aware that God has a plan. That He has a plan for Taiger and me. I believe there is MUCH work He has planned for Taiger and I to do. I believe I WAS inspired to go to Ghana this summer! Although at this time, I don't know why I felt that prompting. Again, I am still praying over that.
As I have gone through the process of changing my focus from Ghana, I have found myself focusing on our work in China. I thought China was coming to mind as a distraction from thinking of Ghana. However, yesterday my Mother and I had a short discussion about my efforts in China, and I felt a renewed drive to reach my goal of starting my orphan home. Although I never lost my passion to do this, I had thought it was something that would not happen for several years, because I need to finish school first, and because I don't as of yet have all of the money to build Small Stones Orphan Home. However, the other day it occurred to me that I don't actually need a new building! I could simply use an apartment! A woman whose website I follow and whose newsletters I pour over has opened a home just like the one I wish to open! Hers is in Xi'An and I want to open mine in JingMen. Anyway, she does it out of her own appartment! She lives there with several children. She has just started a second "orphan home" on the first floor of her building. She is doing so much work there and serving so many! I realized, I could do that! I don't need a building right away...At least to begin, I could just bring a few little ones into my own home.
The other obstacle is my schooling. I have ALWAYS placed HIGH importance on my education. It is absolutely important that I complete my college schooling and earn a degree. However, I only have once class left in Chinese if I switch that from a major to a minor, and I could get a major in something else via on-line college!! Thus, I could finish that one last class here in the US and complete the rest from China!!
I can work at "my" middle school (where I worked the last two times I was living in China...I love you, HaiHui!), living for free and getting a salary on which I could support Taiger and I while I get my orphan home going. Then, I can either stay working there AND living in the housing provided, OR I can continue working there but rent my own (BIGGER) apartment, and begin bringing in children. I would hire a girl to work with me and stay at home while I teach my classes. Taiger would be in Primary school at Si Yen (the primary school where I also taught...it is a sister school to the middle school) and he could even go half day and then come to my classes with me while I teach. Depending on the ages of the other children, the children I take in could also go to school...That is another thing very important to me! That I find sponsors for the children to go to school OR I "home school" them. Education is SO important. Having said that, I THINK at least MOST of the children that I find the orphanage wants me to take will probably be babies and young toddlers...I bet.
Well, that is a rundown of the latest plan.
Thank you for reading my blog!