My life is not my own. My life is God's. He gave me my life. And when my body lays to rest and my Spirit is free of this mortal state, my death will be God's, if my life has been Gods. All things are given me from God. I don't know why I ever have thought my life was mine.
When I was younger and wished on stars, on birthday candles, on pennies thrown into fountains, my wish was always the same, that my life would be as God wants it. My wish, my desire, my supplication was pure and innocent. But I see now, it was wrong. I was wishing MY life be as God wanted it. What an oxymoron! In wanting to live as God wants me to, I know now I must turn my life over to Him. In my innocence, I didn't realize I was contradicting what I was striving for in what I was asking for. I wanted to live my life the way God wanted me to. What I want now is completely different. I realize I don't want to walk with God at my side. I don't want to live my life as God wants it to be. Instead, I want my life to BE GOD'S LIFE. I want God to take me, take my life, and to make me His. It is a difficult way of thinking. In so many ways I want to believe my life is MINE. That it is something I have. But I laugh at myself for even thinking this! Because even as I "want" it, I realize this earthly life is a time to cast off our wants and want only GOD's will. I pray and yearn and long for my heart to be changed and to have the courage and understanding and faith and humility and knowledge and insight to turn my life over to God. His will, in this life I live, be done.